


Bliss

by Sephirotha



Series: Sensation [1]
Category: Vampire Knight (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 20:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9288050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephirotha/pseuds/Sephirotha
Summary: She didn't need to know how long he had been in love with her.





	

“Oh my.”

Kaname watched as Mana stepped onto the balcony that was attached to the suite.  She looked up at the starry sky in awe, her mouth slightly ajar as she briefly reminded her older brother of when she had been in her early twenties.  Yes, when she was still adjusting to being a vampire and living with him and Yuki.  She was still uptight but as she grew older and matured, she was less guarded, more open.  It pleased him to see that she wasn’t being overly stubborn and refusing every suggestion thrown at her.  Her swearing even toned down and she became more like a lady rather than some rebellious foul-mouthed brat.

“It is indeed beautiful.”

Mana turned to him, her dress billowing with her movements, and she smiled.

“It’s wonderful!” she said, clasping her hands together “Oh, it’s beautiful!  I know we saw this earlier today but it’s just so…so divine and different and, oh I always forget how night seems to change everything!”

Kaname smiled wider as Mana turned back to the beautiful view that lay before the hotel.  Meadows and fields stretched out towards the forests and mountains that defined the horizon.  Mana looked around the balcony, looking at the hills that stood tall and proud on both sides of the hotel and squinting to perhaps spot the river that gave away the valley nearby.  Kaname watched as she bounced from one side to the other, like an overexcited puppy.  After all, as a landscape painter, views like this were simply precious.

Yes, despite her potential to find a secure career, Mana insisted to paint for a living.  Yet she refused his help when he offered to introduce her to some of his contacts in the world of art.  She wanted to be independent, or as independent as possible as she allowed him to set up her own art room for her twenty-second birthday.  She worked and worked, reluctant to show any of her paintings to him or Yuki.  She even began doubting her talent and she never considered submitting any of her works to galleries or maybe charity auctions that he arranged.  Sometimes there were nights when she would destroy equipment.

“It’s not too cold for you, is it?”

“No, no,” Mana shook her head and took a deep breath “No, the night breeze is just lovely…”

Her hair was moving with the wind, brushing loose strands out of her face.  Kaname sighed.

“Good.”

Six months had gone by and Mana had a collection of paintings that were shut away in her cupboard.  Yuki praised her but her words of encouragement fell on deaf ears.  He gave her critical feedback, but it only seemed to anger or make her feel useless.  No, even then she was still frosty around him.  Whenever he was there with her, her lips seemed to seal themselves shut.  Even a civil and courteous ‘Good morning, Mana’ was met with a cold shoulder.  Yet he still tried. 

_May I offer you some tea?_

_That was a wonderful meal, Mana.  Thank you._

_Goodnight, Mana.  Sleep well._

Rejected.  Dismissed.  Ignored.  It cut into his heart each time but he still needed to smile and carry on.  She was making so much progress, surely one day will come when she’ll be able to look up to him like her twin.  And she’ll be so happy once her career takes off.  All he needed to do was invite some of his contacts to her next birthday, help her along just a little bit.  She’ll be so happy and she’ll warm up to him more…

But then a slightly overlooked mishap happened.

Zero Kiryu.

He arrived quite out of the blue after not being in contact with the twins for years.  And suddenly Mana was sixteen all over again, fawning over him and her coarse personality was brought out by such vulgar banter between them.  Everything happened quite quickly that Kaname struggled to process it and quite suddenly, a week before the twins’ twenty third birthday, Mana had moved out and was living with Zero.

Kaname suddenly felt alone and desolate without her presence around the mansion.  He remembered trying to talk Mana out of leaving, trying to convince her that things were perhaps going a little too fast, she was still growing up.  But Zero had already done enough damage.

_For fuck’s sake, I’m not a child!_

It had been the first time she had sworn at him for three years.  It shocked him, this beautiful, sophisticated woman…was now this rebellious girl who would stubbornly do what she wished rather than listen to his advice. 

And to rub salt in the wound, she _married_ the vampire hunter that spring.  Kaname feigned that he was too busy with work to go to the wedding, completely against the marriage.  But he didn’t let it show, Yuki was happy enough to go alone and she brought back some pictures.  The one she kept on her bedside table was a picture of her, Mana and Zero together.  The one that Kaname stashed away was a single portrait of the blushing bride.  Mana looked so happy, clad in white and surrounded by the cherry blossom trees.  And that’s what made it so painful.

_Mana, why couldn’t it have been me to make you smile like that?_

Then Mana began displaying her works in local galleries and eventually began selling to clients and art dealers.  Apparently marrying Zero, a level D vampire who didn’t even earn as much as a quarter of what he earned, gave her the confidence to show her work.  Mana began earning more with one painting than what Zero could make in a month.  And she painted nearly every day, dealing every other week.

Time passed on and Kaname heard less and less of Mana, her independence from him and Yuki growing and growing.  And by the time the twins’ twenty-fifth birthday came about, Mana was three months pregnant.

_Pregnant?_

“Is something the matter?”

Kaname lifted his head and smiled warmly at Mana.

“Lost in thought.  The view is…beautiful.”

Mana’s laugh was like wonderful music to his ears.  She turned away to look back at the view as he moved a little closer to her.

Yes, Mana gave birth to her first child when she was twenty-five and the reality began to crash down on him.  He would need an heir.  Everything had changed and not according to his plans but he still needed a wife, an heir to continue in his footsteps after he retired.  And as it so happens, Yuki was willing to help.  With a heavy heart, Kaname wedded his smitten sister but had to keep restraining his hidden desire for Mana.  His Mana.  She should have been _his_ but that lowly vampire hunter stole her away.  That child that she bore was meant to be _his_.

It began to become a strain whenever Yuki would invite Mana and Zero for playdates or to celebrate occasions.  Seeing her again and again, growing more lovely and mature, glowing with experience and treating her niece and nephew just as well as her own children.  It hurt, forcing that smile as he watched her and Zero walk the gardens.  It was agony, watching whilst Mana fussed over Zero and he would just brush her off, being so ungrateful.  What he would give to receive such attention.  To let her fuss over his hair whenever it was messy or to let her straighten his clothes.  Little gestures like that were only the beginning of his obsession.

_May I borrow that book after you’ve finished with it?_

It startled him, the first time she had spoken to him in such a civil manner.  And with a warm smile, her eyes showing no hostility nor malice.  She had been thirty then, a truly matured woman.  She was divine. 

Then visit after visit, they would often spend evenings reading books in the library whilst Yuki and Zero would run about trying to stop their children from burning down the place.  The cousins often plotted together to outsmart their parents.  Apparently content to let her children find all the secret passages and hiding places, Mana simply read from five to seven in the evening and he would be there with her. 

At first, that was all it was.  Sitting in opposite armchairs by the fireplace, reading their books in silence.  Kaname cherished those evenings, to be able to spend time with her without any animosity.  Eventually they began to chatter here and there.  Mainly about the small stuff really, the weather, their books, their remarks on how their children are growing up so quickly.  Then more in depth topics, such as building the bridge between humans and vampires, Mana’s art blocks, the overall theme their books explored.  Eventually the books were put to the side and they would share a sofa, just talking.  In this proximity, Kaname could see the faint oil paint stains that Mana had tried to scrub off after finishing a painting.  He could notice some dried paint on her hair but it was so little, no-one could notice.  He also noticed that Mana had started wearing lip gloss.

It was barely noticeable but there was no denying that faint sheen on her perfect lips.  Despite cherishing these evenings, this proximity, this _friendship_ , Kaname began finding it hard to hold back.  Especially when those beckoning lips, annunciating every syllable of her words, glimmered in the faint light of the fire.  When had she started wearing lip gloss?  Why?  Was it for Zero?  Did she apply it every day or just for special occasions? 

Kaname remembered finding his throat very dry, especially when he began picturing kissing those lips.  Would that lip gloss be flavoured?  What would it taste like?  Would it be different to how he would kiss Yuki?  Would she want to wrap her arms around his neck or just press her petite hands against his chest whilst he held her as a lover should?  Would she be out of breath like Yuki or would she kiss him again?  The desire would swell and he would fight his inner beast back.  No, don’t ruin this, don’t ruin this relationship.  Else she would run away from him and never come back.  The thought alone frightened him.

_I’ll be moving to France in September._

Mana was thirty-five when she announced this news to him and Yuki.  Kaname remembered the way his heart dropped at the news.

_Eh?!  But why?!_

_It’s only for a year, Yuki-nee.  Someone there is very interested in my work._

That put some relief on his mind.  Mana was going to be off to Paris and had already secured a place to rent for the year.  Zero and their three children were going to stay in Japan because of work and school.  That had Kaname worry more though, she was going off to a foreign country by herself!

_I’m a grown woman.  I’ll be able to take care of myself._

She was still stubborn.  She was going whether or not she’ll have a wailing Yuki and Kaien attached to her leg.

“The last time you’ve been this lost in thought was when I went into labour in the middle of your library.”

Kaname blinked as Mana giggled again and he shook his head.

“Look who’s talking.  You were early and I’m pretty sure it was because you disobeyed your doctor’s recommendations.”

Mana laughed again.

“She came out fine, remember?”

“Not her sister though.”

Kaname flinched as Mana tensed.  That fateful night when Mana gave birth to twins.  One had been stillborn, the other perfectly healthy.  Of course, that dreaded curse of vampire hunters and twins.

“I should have seen it coming,” Mana murmured “It didn’t end well for Ichiru, there should be no exception for me.”

Kaname brought her into a hug.

“I shouldn’t have said that…”

“I brought it up, should have been expecting it.”

Kaname held Mana tighter, remembering her tears as she cradled the dead babe.  A mother’s pain is near inconsolable, he had found out.  She cried and cried, whilst he held the surviving daughter, feeling lost and helpless.  Her wails brought Zero and Yuki to the library.  Zero led her away as Yuki helped him clean the new-born and call a doctor to check on her health.

Mana went into a state of depression, refusing to eat or drink.  Refusing to go out of her room, not even considering the child that had survived.  Yuki, quick and organised as she was, quickly had a nurse care for her, until Mana was better. 

Mana didn’t move for weeks.  Her children couldn’t lift her spirits, Zero’s mood plummeted like hers and Yuki would be sent away with the tea she would prepare for her.  Kaname eventually plucked up the courage to see her.

She had been a mess, broken, unresponsive, like a fallen angel.  He had brought some tea that evening, hoping to at least have her drink a cup.  She looked weak, lifeless, much like the dead child that had to be taken away from her.  He remembered trying to shake her awake but her eyes were dull, looking ahead unseeingly.  He tried talking to her, bringing up conversations that they had before during their evenings together but his words fell on deaf ears.  He attempted to read a book to her to try and coax her into reality but she didn’t make any signs of rousing. 

He then begged.  He begged for her to respond.  He begged for her to speak.  He begged for her to move, even just a little.  He begged for her to not waste away and leave all her loved ones behind.

_Don’t abandon me, please!_

She was his light!  She was what he looked forward to in every waking moment!  She couldn’t go like this!  Not when they were on friendly terms, not when she’s accepted him as a brother!

_Zero?_

It left a bitter taste in his mouth when Mana called out for her husband.

_I should have known.  I’m sorry._

She was so weak, she was hallucinating.  She needed blood.  Kaname was midway to offering his wrist but he stopped himself just in time.  Zero had walked in.  He suggested to the vampire hunter to have her drink a blood tablet solution before she left her vaguely aware state.

Mana recovered for the next few days and soon she was strong enough to hold her surviving daughter.  Then the Kiryu family left to go home for the autumn, coming back to celebrate Christmas and the twins’ birthday.  But Mana never set foot in the library again.

No matter, Kaname just brought the books to her in the living room, lighting a fireplace, determined to keep their ritual.  He remembered her smile when he first did this but she spoke very little, just content to reading.  She had dear sweet Sachiko tucked into a sling across her chest where she could cradle the little babe and feed her when convenient.  Zero complained that she was being overbearing already with Sachi, she never cared this much with her other children, she should spend some time away from her to allow her daughter to breathe.

Kaname understood though.  If he were Mana’s husband, he would let her dote on Sachi, let her carry her around and he would help take care of her.  Mana had lost Sachi’s twin, she was just scared to lose her next.

_You’re not her husband._

Zero had confronted him near the end of their visit.  He had noticed how close Kaname tried to get to Mana, how he would look at her with eyes which made him sick to his stomach.  Kaname then realised that the library had been their personal haven, where there were no prying eyes to see them talk and spend time together.  In the living room, they had been more exposed and Zero seemed to have cottoned on to his feelings that he so desperately buried deep inside.

_This will be our last visit._

_Shouldn’t Mana have a say?  I am her brother._

_You sure don’t behave like one._

The Kuran family wouldn’t see the Kiryu family for another fifteen years.  When Zero led Mana out of the manor the next night with their children, Yuki mentioned to Kaname that they were planning to move to France, this time permanently.  Zero had transferred to a branch there, Mana was going to paint and raise her family and the children had already been enrolled into schools.  Kaname hadn’t felt so torn and broken at the news.

_They…will visit, won’t they?_

_I’m sure they will!_

But they didn’t.  They received letters from Mana, accompanied with some little notes from her children, but that was all the communication they got.  Despite his family and his work, Kaname grew lonelier as the evening would roll around and he would be reading a book by himself at a fireplace.  Yuki spent more time going out with their children, more often with Ai, their daughter for some mother daughter time.  And even their son, Seto, would keep to himself, shutting himself away in his room to study.

Some evenings, Kaname didn’t read books.  He would read the letters Mana would send.  He could spend hours simply reading her words.  Normally he was the first to read them before handing them over to Yuki.  He had ordered that any mail from France would be directly sent to his office, just so he could live in the illusion that Mana was writing specifically to him and not just the general family.  He would let Yuki write back, however, as he suspected Zero wouldn’t appreciate him sending letters.

It was during the fifteenth year when the Kiryu family had moved to France, that Yuki received a phone call.  Kaname had come out of the office after locking himself away for a few hours to work when he saw Yuki crying, phone pressed to her ear and a shaking hand hovering over her mouth.  When asked what was wrong, his wife cried harder, nearly dropping the phone.  Zero had been killed whilst on assignment and Mana was asking to stay over whilst planning the funeral.  It would only be her, her children had already moved out (Sachi was living with her older brother, aspiring to study photography) and they were preparing to meet in Japan to hold the funeral, bury what remained in a grave by his twin brother.

Kaname was on the phone in a heartbeat, hugging Yuki who cried into his chest and he spoke with Mana for the first time in fifteen years.  His heart soared when he heard her voice and he closed his eyes, picturing her in his mind as he offered to arrange everything, to not let her stress and just take some time to mourn.  Mana tried to stubbornly insist to arrange her own husband’s funeral but he managed to talk her into letting him do all the work and if she didn’t like the arrangements, he would let her take over.

She seemed appeased and two days later, he was welcoming her into their home.  He remembered how excited he had been to be able to see her again after so many years.  She had grown even more lovely.  She hadn’t aged much but she was glowing with experience (and she still had some splotches of paint on her face that had apparently gone unnoticed by her).  She had been wearing her mourning clothes too, black from head to toe and there were dark circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep and crying.  Kaname wasted no time to take her into the living room, set up the fireplace and called Yuki to announce her arrival.

Yuki had been ecstatic to see her younger twin, practically using all her power to blaze a trail into the living room and squeeze Mana tightly, bones cracking under her strength.  Kaname left them briefly for them to mourn, chatter and organise setting up rooms for Mana’s children and grandchildren to stay so they could be close for the funeral.  There was plenty of room.

“Yuki would have liked it here.”

Kaname tilted his head at Mana as she spoke.

“She…really enjoyed looking at my paintings…she kept on saying how she wanted to visit actual places that would have views like this…”

Mana clutched onto Kaname’s wrist that was at her waist and he adjusted so he could squeeze her hand.

Not long after Zero’s funeral, Yuki fell ill.  At first it was just fainting and dizzy spells, nothing too major.  Mana had been looking into buying a property in Japan but when Yuki’s health declined so quickly, the search was abandoned and Mana would spend all her time at Yuki’s bedside.  Kaname hired the best doctors he could find to take a look at her, find out what’s wrong and if there was a way to help her.  All they got were baffled looks.  Strange symptoms, not falling into any diagnosis for a Pureblood vampire, it seemed as if Yuki had contracted an incurable illness that hadn’t been studied or researched.

Kaname remembered how Mana would pace every time Yuki would be checked up upon.  She would read medical books, help the doctors find a cure whilst he went to contact international doctors that could possibly know about such an illness.  Yuki grew weaker by the day and Kaname recalled seeing Mana lose sleep, neglect her own health and refuse to leave her sister’s side.  He would bring them tea every evening, checking on both of them.

Seto, Ai and Mana’s children began coming round to stay for support, although only Mana’s eldest, Ayumi, and her daughter would be able to stay just for a couple of weeks.  For the majority of the time when Yuki had been ill, the mansion had only been the three of them surrounded by doctors.

Until one evening, during the middle of a phone call, Kaname heard Mana scream.  After abandoning his office to rush to her side, he saw doctors pull Mana away from the bed which was now empty, save for the tiny crystals that had been Yuki.  Mana was weak against them, she hadn’t been taking care of herself after all, and Kaname could only remember taking her out of the room and to his, where he had been resting so he wouldn’t disturb his late wife’s sleep or cause her any injury to her weakened body.

In the midst of all the despair, the heart wrenching emotions and the tears, Kaname found himself thinking horrible thoughts.  Small ones at first, such as how Mana felt so warm and precious in his arms.  Then how perfect it felt to have her cuddled to him like this.  He remembered exactly how he let his arms slip down to wrap around her waist.  He remembered exactly how she buried her face into his shoulder, making it damp with her tears.  He remembered petting her hair, rubbing her arm, holding her closer to his chest.  He remembered kissing her head as she grew sleepy, her sobs fading and her eyelids closing slowly.  He remembered feeling enchanted to see her sleep.  He remembered the most horrid thought that arose in his mind as he cradled her.

_Yuki and Zero are out of the way now._

It was awful, knowing that two people that Mana loved very dearly were dead and to think of it as a dream come true.  He remembered how he tucked her into his bed gently, wishing to join her and just hold her for the remainder of that night.  He remembered spending hours watching her sleep.  He remembered the dread he felt the next morning when he realised Mana had fallen into a similar depression from when she had her stillborn child.

He needed to call their children, announce Yuki’s death.  He needed to start preparing for her funeral.  He needed to arrange so many things.  But he couldn’t let Mana try to waste away again!

_Mana, you need blood!_

_Why bother?  They’re both gone…_

He begged, begged for her to not join her sister.  She still had much to look forward to, she still had her children…

_Don’t make me suffer by losing you too._

And somehow his words reached her.  She began to take her tablets at first.  He brought her meals in bed, making sure she was gaining her weight and strength back.  He helped her walk around the room then the house, making sure she was getting back to her normal self.  He spent more time tending to her than sorting out Yuki’s funeral.  But somehow, he didn’t mind.  He was happy to be able to help Mana, spend time with her and be able to hold her hands.

After Yuki’s funeral, Mana had moved in.  Kaname insisted, not wanting to stress her by having her find a property or leave her alone after losing her sister and her husband within the same year.  But also, he didn’t want her to leave.  He wanted to keep her around him, keep her within sight so he can look after her and make sure she doesn’t fall into a deep depression again.

It was wonderful for it to be just the two of them.  Mana grew happier and happier, especially since he set up an art room specially for her.  Seto and Ai grew accustomed to seeing their aunt during their visits after fifteen years, Mana’s own children were getting on with their own futures, although Ayumi sometimes called in, asking about whether Mana would move out of the Kuran Manor soon.  It irked Kaname, she was much like her father.  Pushy, overprotective and she didn’t much like her uncle much. 

“Is something bothering you?”

Kaname looked down at Mana who was gazing up at him with curious eyes.  He smiled before stepping away, clasping her hands in his.

“Mana, what do you think about living here?”

“Living here?”

Mana tilted her head at Kaname.

“But this is a hotel…”

“And the owners are considering selling,” Kaname squeezed her hands “We could run this hotel.”

“But…I don’t know how to run a hotel, I didn’t study business…”

“There’s a restaurant that you can run,” Kaname smiled as Mana shifted uncertainly “All you need to do is cook your dishes and serve the customers.”

He pulled her a little closer.

“And if you don’t want to, all you need to do is hire staff, teach them your recipes and set a menu.  Then you’re free to paint.”

Mana glanced back out at the view.

“I…guess it’s not a bad thing.  Maybe it would be good to keep busy for a while…”

Kaname swallowed a little uneasily as he took in a deep breath.

“And I do not want us to run this business as brother and sister.”

Mana snapped her head back to him as he got down to his knee.  He gazed up at her startled look and smiled.  She was beautiful like this, with the beautiful background of the starry night sky.

“Mana Kiryu…”

It left a bitter taste to recite her full name.

“Will you marry me?”

Mana’s hands twitched as she parted her lips but no words came out.  She looked at him, surprised, her lips quivering as she seemed to have trouble speaking.

“What?”

“It’s been ten years, Mana, we’ve both lost our loved ones and we’ve been supporting each other since, which I dearly appreciate.  And in the time we’ve spent together, I’ve realised that I’m in love with you.  I love you so much, Mana.”

Mana blushed, looking at the view as she hesitated.  Kaname’s heart thudded against his ribcage as he felt his breathing grow heavier.  Surely she felt something akin to romantic affection?  Kaname swallowed hard as Mana glanced at him.

“I’ve always seen you as my brother.”

“And I want you to give me a chance.”

He kissed her knuckles.

“Just one, just give me a chance to make you happy.  I want to see you smile every day and be the reason for it.  So please.”

He tightened his grip on her hands.

“Give me a chance.”

Mana looked away again, swallowing and shifting uncomfortably.  She then sighed and looked back at him.

“O-Ok…” she stammered “I’ll…consider seeing you as a lover…”

Kaname couldn’t stop himself from shooting up to his feet and capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

And suddenly, it felt like time had stopped.  Mana’s hands were braced against his chest, her body tense and tight from surprise.  His hands held her shoulders before slipping around her back to bring her closer.  She was wearing strawberry flavoured lip gloss and he wanted to taste more.  He wanted more of her.  Those sweet flavoured lips were soft and he wanted to devour her.

He reluctantly stopped the kiss and stared down at her flushed face.

“Mana, I love you.”

It felt so good to say it.  He wanted to announce it to the whole world.  He loved this wonderful woman in his arms.  Mana dropped her head, pressing her forehead to his chest to hide her face.  Kaname hugged her tightly, kissing the top of her head and smiling.  This was right.  This was perfect.

She didn’t need to know how long he had been in love with her.  She didn’t need to know that the hotel had already been bought.  She didn’t need to know who was responsible for Zero’s death.  She didn’t need to know the true cause of Yuki’s illness.

Kaname’s smile turned into a vicious smirk as he cradled the back of Mana’s head and rocked her back and forth.  Yes, this was perfect, everything was perfect.  This was how it was meant to be.  He had waited for forty long years to be able to have his Mana in his arms.  And now it was time for the victor to claim his prize.


End file.
